The Best Parts | Parts are Parts with Laura Lively

Welcome to this episode of The Best Parts Podcast. We are excited you are here with us as we have our very own Laura Lively here to share her journey and expertise with us.  Laura is an Internal Family Systems practitioner and Life Coach specializing in Parts Work. Laura's journey into parts work came from her experience in an online food program where she lost over half of her body weight. It was this first experience with parts work that affected her so deeply that she became a licensed IFS practitioner and has facilitated over 350 sessions with clients since. Tune in to this week’s episode to hear more about how Laura and parts work blew my mind. I'm excited for all of you to learn more as well. Welcome Laura. 

You can find Laura at Lauralively.com

 

 

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BestParts Podcast - Ep 4 - Laura Lively - Parts Are Parts

[00:00:00] Laura: Everyone would be better off if they understood they had parts. 

[00:00:03] Nikki: And I was super confused.

[00:00:05] Sara: I'm good friends with my devil. 

[00:00:08] Kim: And just because I'm a little kid doesn't mean you shouldn't hear me. 

[00:00:10] Louise: I'm standing in front of the fridge, eating my weight in cheese.

[00:00:21] Laura: Hi, I'm Laura. 

[00:00:22] Sara: Hi, I'm Sara

[00:00:24] Kim: And I'm Kim. 

[00:00:25] Nikki: This is Nikki 

[00:00:26] Louise: And I'm Louise. 

[00:00:28] Kim: Hi, and welcome to The Best Parts Podcast, where we invite you to pull up a chair and think about your best parts, which are all your parts. 

[00:00:38] Sara: Hello, and welcome to this episode of The Best Parts Podcast. We are excited you are here with us as we have our very own Laura Lively here to share her journey and expertise with us.

[00:00:49] Sara: Laura is an Internal Family Systems practitioner and Life Coach specializing in Parts Work Laura's journey into parts work came from her experience in an online food program where she lost over half of her body weight. It was this first experience with parts work that affected her so deeply that she became a licensed IFS practitioner and has facilitated over 350 sessions with clients since.

[00:01:12] Sara: I, for one did not know that much about parts work until working with Laura, and I found it fascinating. Stay tuned to hear more about how Laura and parts work blew my mind. I'm excited for all of you to learn more as well. Welcome Laura. 

[00:01:24] Laura: Thanks Sara. 

[00:01:25] Sara: So good to have you have you here. I am. I'm so excited about parts work and what you've brought to this space for us.

[00:01:31] Sara: And I just, for one, can't wait to learn even more, but before we start, uh, the discussion around parts work, I would love first to talk about your health journey that you embarked on back in 2016. What sparked the decision to focus on your health back then? 

[00:01:45] Laura: Yeah, two things. I was fat shamed on a plane and --

[00:01:48] Sara: I'm sorry.

[00:01:49] Laura: Yeah, it really sucked. The guy tells the flight attendant. "I won't fit next to her," and the jackass fit, you know, he fit just fine, I'm just saying. And it was very painful as you might imagine. I had just topped the scale at 300 pounds, which was a number I'd never seen before. 

[00:02:09] Laura: My weight loss story is I've been overweight since I was three years old.  I'm, 54. I just turned 54. This is the summer of 2020, summer of COVID. And I had, I've been overweight my entire life. I've never been in a right size body as an adult. And I had been on every diet in the world. Like, has anyone, anybody here ever been on the diet?

[00:02:29] Sara: Never!

[00:02:30] Kim: What's a diet?  What is this word? 

[00:02:34] Laura: Or 20? Or 20 diets?

[00:02:38] Nikki: That makes more sense to me.

[00:02:39] Kim: There we go. 

[00:02:40] Laura: Okay. Yeah. So, I tried every diet in the world twice and I, I just, I could lose actually, no, actually I started to say some people say their champion losers in terms of being able to take the weight off, but not keeping it off. And I guess that was kind of my story. I had lost a hundred pounds once when I was 18, I lost 80 something when I was in my thirties, but I'd never seen 300 pounds.  

[00:03:03] Laura: When I was 18, I weighed 297.75. That was the first time that I went to Weight Watchers and you know, fast forward I had tried exercise to keep it off. I used to Spin, like five days a week at the gym. I had a trainer that was the last, most successful time. I tried every diet in the world twice and it just didn't, I just couldn't do it.

[00:03:23] Laura: I would get down to a point and then I would panic and put it all back on. And generally, it was around the 170 mark. I would get to about 170 and I, I would just panic and put the weight back on. So, after being fat shamed, after weighing 300 pounds, I, I was desperate until I found this online eating program.

[00:03:44] Laura: And you know, one of the things that they built because I've sat, sat shoulder to shoulder with Weight Watchers for years, like in a chair, fat shoulder to fat shoulder and I never had any community with them. I never knew who they were. But this online eating program, they actually built community, which is, I know what's really important to us here, right? That's one of the reasons we're doing this podcast. 

[00:04:05] Sara: Absolutely. And it sounds like you've tried so many different diets or weight loss programs and that word "community" and "finding community" is a big difference in this online eating program. Is that right? 

[00:04:17] Laura: Yeah. That's one of them. The other thing that they, they did was about the time I happened to start it, they introduced parts work.

[00:04:25] Laura: They introduced Internal Family Systems into their program, and that was a game changer. And I know we all here have had some exposure to parts work, but for our listeners who maybe have not heard of it, I'd like to just give you a little bit of background. So just to give you an example, you know, the typical angel and devil on your shoulder, you know what I'm talking about?

[00:04:45] Sara: I'm good friends with my devil. 

[00:04:48] Nikki: I'm friends with both of them. 

[00:04:50] Laura: Right. So, on one hand, there's this little devil saying, "I want a cookie. I want a cookie." And on the other hand, the angel's like, "No, no, no, you don't need a cookie. Your pants are already too tight. You don't need a cookie." And then a little devil's like "I want the cookie. I want the cookie." Well, those are different parts of us. And they, you know, they have seemingly different agendas. One wants a sugar hit and the other one's worried about your weight or your clothes fitting properly. And what is interesting that I've learned in parts work is that both of these parts, the little Cookie Monster and the Clothes Monitor, they want the same thing they're actually trying to help you. And so I'm going to ask you guys, how do you think the Cookie Monster is trying to help me?

[00:05:29] Kim: Joy, happiness. 

[00:05:31] Laura: Right, Kim. That's exactly right. It wants to help me feel good. Sugar's a great rush.

[00:05:36] Nikki: Well, and, it's there is a service that sugar provides. I know it's, you know, it's addictive, but it does provide a service to your body. 

[00:05:44] Sara: The Cookie Monster, I think it's that cue, routine, reward. And the cue is some sort of stress Cookie Monster comes in and says, here's a cookie and you're you get your immediate reward. It's just the long-term reward isn't there necessarily. My devil is now a Cookie Monster. 

[00:06:00] Laura: So, the type of parts work I do, and like Sara mentioned at the top was Internal Family Systems and we believe that all of our parts are welcome. That we're never trying to get rid of parts. And can you see how people, people believe that getting rid of the Cookie Monster would be helpful? 

[00:06:17] Sara: Absolutely. 

[00:06:18] Louise: Well, Laura, that's really interesting when you define it, like the Cookie Monster, because you know, many of the diet programs that I follow it's like you don't welcome that Cookie Monster into your life, right?

[00:06:31] Louise: Like you're, you're cutting them out. You're you're stuffing them down. You're, well, literally stuffing him down. So, it's, it's really interesting. That's, it's, it's not about pushing away. It's about understanding and actually welcoming and knowing what the deeper intention is. 

[00:06:54] Laura: Right, right. Yeah. And that is one of the things that's really different is we're not trying to kick these parts to the curb. We want to understand them better. Another point I want to make about parts work is we are more than just a big bag of parts. At our core, we have Self energy and that is the place with, in all of us where we are calm and creative and caring and curious. And this is the place where we would like to lead from. And that's the, that's the goal. 

[00:07:24] Laura: The parts work that I do is to get you to be able to lead from that Self energy. And so Dick Schwartz, who's the founder of IFS, he has this whole list of, of qualities of ourselves that you learn to lead from your Self and the parts, who've been trying to lead your life all this time, they will relax back and allow you to lead once they know you're there. And that's why the relationship building is so important. So instead of trying to shove them away or kick them to the curb, we do relationship building. I always say to my clients, it's a little bit like trying to build relationships with neglected children. Because these parts have been stuffed down.

[00:08:01] Laura: They have been shoved away and they're a little skeptical. And so it just takes, it takes time. It takes time for them to learn to trust us. 

[00:08:10] Sara: Laura, I would love to talk about how you work with parts, work with your clients. But first if it's okay. I want to circle back to the online eating program, and I want to know how did they introduce part's work there and what was it that grabbed you so deeply that you've turned this into a huge part of your life?

[00:08:26] Laura: So, as we've talked about it, it's an online eating program, but they do  -- not in the year COVID, but in normal years  they do once a year, there's an opportunity to do get together in a huge arena. And they introduced this concept, kind of like I've just introduced it to you, to a group of, I don't know, 800 people, 500 people.

[00:08:48] Laura: And for me it resonated so much. It was almost like it clicked immediately. As they explained this idea of a Cookie Monster and the Clothes Monitor. I had had a situation a few months before I went to this live event. My husband is the most loving, amazing Zen guy ever. And one day I lost my shit and I'm flying off the handle at him. I'm yelling, I'm slamming my wrists down on a hard-Walnut dresser, which hurt by the way. And I'm yelling at him and then almost immediately I'm berating myself. "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you nuts? Ray's the nicest guy in the universe. What the hell is the matter with you?" I mean, can anybody else relate to anybody else ever flown off the handle at somebody?

[00:09:35] Kim: Maybe once or twice. That's it. Very rare.

[00:09:38] Louise: This week? Yeah. 

[00:09:40] Laura: Maybe this morning? So when that happened, you know, I'm like, "What the hell is wrong with you?" And I really, I thought I was crazy. But what I got in that first presentation about parts work was that "No, Laura, you are not crazy." There is a part of you that was triggered. And then there was a part well, it was totally dismayed that I yelled at my husband and a third part that was criticizing me. Anybody else have an inner critic? 

[00:10:09] Sara: Oh yes.

[00:10:10] Laura: Yeah, I would wager unless you're a sociopath, everyone has a critic, an inner critic or two. But what that, what that did for me was, I mean, it just suddenly made sense. No, Laura was not crazy in her totality, right? So, it was just a part of her that was triggered. There was a part of me that got triggered and that felt like it opened up spaciousness in my body actually. I, I had this, this sigh of relief that I wasn't crazy. That there was just a part that got triggered and somehow that was so freeing to me and, and I, I thought even then I want to get trained in this. So it was almost immediate. I was like this knowing is this sense of knowing, oh my God, this is for me. 

[00:10:51] Sara: Such a beautiful story. And I'm well, you don't ever want to have what happened to you in 2016 on the plane. Uh, look what it's led, led you to? And just for someone who cares deeply about you, I want to say how awesome is this, that you've taken some hurt and pain and turned it into something beautiful. So I wanted to shift to parts work with your clients and, and I'm curious how you introduce parts work to your clients and how, how do you work with your parts? Cause you've talked a lot about there's the Cookie Monster and the Clothes Monitor and you know, the angel and the devil. So we know that they're there, but what do we do with them? 

[00:11:31] Laura: I do kind of similarly to what I just did with you guys, right? Because almost everybody has this at least a duality in their head. You know, I could have given you any number of examples, the alarm went off this morning and a part was like, "No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's just lay here."  And another part was like, "Get up. We're getting interviewed today. Woo! Let's get going." I mean, so there's almost always these competing thoughts in our heads, right? 

[00:11:54] Sara: I noticed your competing parts have very different voices. 

[00:11:59] Kim: And that was really, really cool. I think you can actually hear them. It was cool. 

[00:12:04] Laura: That's funny. So, I introduced them a little bit like he did with you guys. I use some examples and say, "Does this resonate with you?"  I often can pick it up in my coaching clients. One will say, "I really need to get this content done for my website, but I don't want to do. It every time we get close to doing it, I ended up sitting and watching Netflix." So, my parts detector says, "Oh, so there's a part of you that would like to actually get the content onto your website. But then you have another part that wants to sit and watch Netflix. Are you interested in finding out why that part wants to watch Netflix?"  So, I learned to distinguish parts and then, if they're open, not everybody's open to parts work, but I think the whole world would be better off if they understood they had parts. So that's kind of how I introduce it. It's whether it comes up organically in a conversation with, with a coaching client or if they come to me because they are aware that they have parts and want to figure out how to better live their lives and actually get, get a bead on their parts.

[00:13:07] Laura: And so one of my favorite things to witness with a client is that they start having more inner peace, once they start befriending these parts. And if they're trying to kick them to a curb, they become friends with them, and they can see the benefit. All parts are trying to help us and all of these parts bring strengths to the table.

[00:13:27] Laura: And if we can learn to honor them, instead of trying to shove them away, then we become a wholer person, we become a more, a well-rounded, happier person. And what I do love most about parts work is it's a skillset that most people can learn to use for themselves. I'm not about feeding people a fish. I want to teach them the skill set.

[00:13:49] Laura: I want to teach them to fish. I want to teach them the skillset. And it's a skillset that can be learned and just like any muscle, Sara, it has to be strengthened, but I want to give them that ability to be able to go on their way and manage their parts for themselves and learn how to live in that Self energy the majority of the time.  Everyone would be better off if they understood they had parts. 

[00:14:14] Louise: Often times, I believe that we get into this place with ourselves, with this relationship we have with ourselves, and it feels like a competition. So you mentioned the angel and the devil. But I think that there's so many other analogies that kind of can fit into that. The working versus the playing, all of those things that always feels like there are these pieces of me that are competing for my time or my energy. And it's one or the other, either sitting here working or I'm outside playing. I'm either keeping my health as a priority, or I'm standing in front of the fridge eating my weight in cheese, because I love cheese.

[00:15:09] Sara: Oh my God. Yes. Cheese, 

[00:15:10] Kim: Cheese, for sure cheese, 

[00:15:12] Sara: Every day. 

[00:15:13] Louise: It's really interesting that it feels always like a competition, it's one or the other, but what I'm really hearing from you and I, I bring it into a little bit into my practice as well with NLP is that it's not, not an "or" it's an, "and." 

[00:15:32] Laura: I agree with you, Louise. It's it definitely can be, “yes, and." And the other, and its definitely parts work is a little more nuanced than the way I presented the angel and devil. And I actually use, the analogy of Friends, the TV show. There seems to be this core group of parts that we see all the time, just like Rachel and Monica, et cetera.

[00:15:51] Laura:  And then we have backup parts or parts that are recurring guest stars, like Gunther the, the coffee guy. Like we don't see him every show, but we see him quite often. And then you have guest stars that you never see again, right? You see them in one and done.

[00:16:11] Sara: Like Brad Pitt

[00:16:12] Laura: Parts are like that, right?

[00:16:12] Sara: Brad Pitt came in one time, that was awesome. 

[00:16:16] Laura: Hugh Laurie was there. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's not it off on the Friends thing, but I use that analogy in the course I teach that our parts, and what you said is so true, Louise. Sometimes they do get into what IFS calls polarities where it feels like it's a tug of war between two of them. And generally, what happens is once you start talking to them, even once they start to realize that they're both trying to help you, they can relax.

[00:16:40] Laura: And when they relax, then your Self can step in and actually make the best decision about, do I want to stand here and eat cheese all day? Or do I want to go for a run, or do I want to do something completely different? One of the things I tell my clients and this, this is certainly true of my parts, my parts love choices. If I will give them a choice, "You can do this or that. What would you prefer to do?" And then they'll choose. They love that. They love having the choice. I don't know why the other thing, um, sometimes it's not just a tug of war. They can also have alliances. They'll become friends with one another.

[00:17:16] Laura: And the next thing you know, they're, they've ganged up on another part. The reason this is called Internal Family Systems is it's based on an approach in psychology called Family Systems. And they've taken, they've taken the, you know, what happens in a family dynamic situation.  Dick Schwartz noticed it was happening internally with his clients.

[00:17:35] Kim: It's so interesting that you're saying that Laura, because, so when I was introduced to parts work by my therapist, it was so interesting because the first time I kind of sat down with her and we talked about, "Okay, let's let's see, see what parts show up."

[00:17:52] Kim: I don't remember what question she asked to get us to do that. But I remember going inside and I had this vision. And for years, it was this vision of when I would sit down with my parts, we were all around a conference table. Like they would all show up and I could visually see the alliances that you were talking about. And there were times when, you know, one part would throw something across the table at another part. I mean, it was hysterical to watch.  When the movie Inside Out came out, I was so excited because I was like, "Oh my God, those are my parts on screen!" 

[00:18:25] Laura: Right? Right. 

[00:18:29] Kim: So I'm curious, I'd love to have a better sense of how do you see that working for your clients? What are the topics, what are the things that you help them with with their parts work?

[00:18:39] Laura: Kim, I'm so glad you asked! I believe the whole world would be better off if they understood they had parts. So that's pretty inclusive, right? So, yes, I think that there is really no topic that parts work cannot be beneficial for. I helped my sister and her work situation with parts work. It's good for people who are entrepreneurs.

[00:19:01] Laura: "There's only so many ways to be human." That's a quote from my sister. There's only so many ways to be human. And we all have that same insecurities. That was one of the things that really blew my mind. When I first started doing this work was realizing we all have the same insecurities and they're all the things that are holding us back.

[00:19:19] Laura: And it doesn't matter if we're talking about weight loss or becoming an entrepreneur or figuring out a sticky dynamic in a corporate situation. It doesn't really matter. There's nothing that this cannot help with. You know, getting annoyed with your husband, getting annoyed with your wife. It doesn't matter.

[00:19:37] Laura:  There is by knowing your own parts and learning to work with them because who do we all know? Right. And we all know the coaches, we can't change anybody else's behavior. All we can do is change how we react to their behavior, right? So by learning which parts of mine get triggered I can then work with, with those parts to understand what are their concerns.

[00:20:01] Kim: Yeah. I love that.

[00:20:02] Laura: [00:20:02] I think it works in anything. I think it works in anything. I think I have the Holy Grail. 

[00:20:06] Kim: I think you do too.

[00:20:08] Laura: I would love to actually to hear about some of you guy's parts work. 

[00:20:13] Sara: Yeah. I wanted to ask Nikki about when she first heard about parts work. Cause her and I were talking about this the other day and I would love to hear about that.

[00:20:21] Nikki: Yeah. The first time I heard about parts work was actually at our retreat, where we all met, when Kim and Laura were talking about it, I'd never heard of it. I didn't even know it was a thing and they were talking about it. And I was super confused because I was like, Family Systems? Are they like family counselors? How do they know what this is? 

[00:20:42] Nikki:  I don't. I don't get it and they're talking about parts and then I was okay, is this a good thing or bad thing? I couldn't tell because it was just so unfamiliar to me. So, after like eavesdropping on their conversation, because I was sitting right next to them, it kind of started getting unpacked.

[00:20:58] Nikki: And then I did a session with Laura. I was having a really hard time and I don't even remember with what anymore. And we did parts work together and I was blown away because after that hour together, it was something huge shifted. There was peace. It was like communication opened up in me just by recognizing, I don't remember if it was one part or a couple parts at that time and releasing some tension just from acknowledging it because. I know we've said it a few times but trying to shut it down or shut it off or run away from it or pretend it's not there just makes it louder. It increases the tension. It makes things harder. 

[00:21:38] Kim: Yeah. 

[00:21:39] Sara: I so agree with that. And I love how Kim earlier talked about the conference table because. Uh, like I said earlier, I wanted to share with you how parts work blew my mind.

[00:21:51] Sara:  I had a session set up with Laura, and honestly, I always thought there was just one inner critic and it's my mom and I realized I have seven of them, but then I have seven parts that are balancing my inner critic. And I mean, I was in tears and by the end of that hour, Laura says to me, "I know where you're at. You're totally spent. Enjoy this moment." And it was just like, I couldn't even believe what I had just experienced, just walking into a conference room and seeing that there's not just my like angel and devil right? There's all of these things. And it was exactly what Nikki just said. Just identifying that was so huge. And then we let two of my parts talk and have a conversation and it was just, it was beautiful. 

[00:22:36] Nikki: Well didn't you say you were like wiped out? Exhausted? 

[00:22:39] Sara: Oh yeah. I needed a break. I think I took a nap. 

[00:22:44] Kim: It can be totally exhausting. And I find it exhilarating when you get parts to speak with each other and how parts can layer on top of each other. So, I've recently been working with, I found this part that was almost a shield. It had created almost this shield and I, and I thought that was the part that I was supposed to be working with. And then I, all of a sudden realized that the Shield was like, "Nope, I can step aside because who you really want to talk to is over here." And it was like this, it was a part of my Inner Child that I had never met before. Who all she wanted to do is have this temper tantrum, but had been really, you know, kept calm? The Shield was to keep her calm. 

[00:23:23] Kim: So it was this really interesting opportunity for this little Inner Child that wanted to have this temper tantrum to have this opportunity to speak with this more shielded part, this more protective part and say, "I need you to actually give me a little bit of space, because what I have to say is really important. And just because I'm a little kid doesn't mean you shouldn't hear me." And it was fascinating to be able to go through that process. And, you know, and I've done that with lots of different parts, but just most recently that it to have them come together in that way. I mean, it's so powerful and I agree with you, Laura. It is the Holy Grail. And if something that, if people haven't heard about, they need to learn more about, and they need to, to get on this. Cause its pretty amazing stuff. 

[00:24:10] Laura: I wanna to ask, I want to ask Louise about NLP because I know, so let me say this. There are multiple types of parts work and one of them is Focusing. So there's, there's Internal Family Systems there's Focusing and then NLP does some, so Louise, can you tell us a little bit about the NLP take on parts work? 

[00:24:28] Louise: Well, yeah, it's, it's really similar, like as right. Cause it is about parts. NLP focuses, Neuro Linguistic Programming. It focuses a little bit more on really, congruency, right. Bringing those things that feel like they're competing or feel like they're opposite into alignment and recognizing that the intention is really the same. That we're all on the same bus going in the same direction towards the same goal. And it's more about the "and," and less about the, "or." And that's, that's kind of how I explain it with, with parts.  But it's, it's really similar. It's, it's understanding that there's these pieces of us that sometimes veer off and try to go in a different way, or we think they're going in a different way. And we, we forget that it's really well, like I said, we're all on the same bus. With NLP, I think just the view is a little bit different in that unconsciously we have the same intention. So, it's really about kind of tapping into that and just pulling that a little bit more to the forefront so that you can examine it and become more in alignment with yourself. So, it is really the same though. It's it's understanding that at the end of the day, every piece of you is working towards the, the very best. And we're always doing the very best that we can do with the information that we have on hand. And the more we learn about the pieces of us, the more we become whole. 

[00:26:26] Laura: Right. 

[00:26:27] Kim: It's almost like it's the best parts. 

[00:26:31] Nikki: All the parts are the best parts. 

[00:26:34] Kim: I'm just saying. 

[00:26:36] Sara: Louise, I love the bus analogy and I, I earlier Laura talked about the goal is to get to your core and all the four, the C's I wrote down, calm, creative, caring, curious, like the goal is to get there. So, I imagine the goal is that the bus driver is the core and all the parts are sitting and having conversations. 

[00:26:59] Laura: Amen! Yeah. That's at least it is an IFS we use that same analogy, a similar analogy where if your parts are driving the bus, there there's chaos, right? Cause they're really generally they're younger and they're they're what you want is you want, you want Self driving the bus and the little parts, all strapped in the backseat, like calm and happy. Yeah. 

[00:27:21] Louise: Yeah. And its funny, you guys talk about like sitting around a conference table and it's like, nope, I'm on a bus. I'm on a big yellow school bus and it is full of rowdy little shitheads. I know that, you know, that bus driver, I don't know. I had one that driver that's so mean and she just yells, "SIT DOWN!!" Right? Like that's, that's like that sometimes my bus driver and then there's kids jumping in, pulling each other's hair and trying to, and sometimes the kids are driving the bus. Sometimes the kids are so distracting, I don't know where I'm going. Sometimes that everybody is calm and quiet singing the same song, "the wheels on the bus." 

[00:28:16] Kim: I was going to say a little kumbaya. What's going on? 

[00:28:19] Louise: Sometimes. It's like that. Other times it's chaos, but that’s okay. 

[00:28:24] Laura: Okay, Louise, you need to do some... I can fix that.

[00:28:29] Nikki: The bus analogy is funny to me too, because the only for one year at elementary school, and I remember it so vividly, we had a bus driver that was amazing. So amazing that you know, the cool kids who always want to sit in the back of the bus, they fought for the front seat because they wanted to be near her. And looking back on it now it's because she would talk to the kids like they were people, she was curious about them. She would remember things. And so instead of the back of the bus being where everybody wanted to try to go and fit in. Literally the front seats were the Primo seats to be on and she would play like cool music and really just be there for all of the kids on the bus.

[00:29:09] Nikki: There was no fighting. I don't remember anybody getting in trouble that year because everybody was straining to listen to her. Everybody wanted to participate and be involved. And so, when Louise is talking about her bus, like I'm seeing kids, it's hanging from the ceiling and like throwing spitballs and, you know, that's kind of the norm when we think of riding on the bus.  But I have this, I feel like it's kind of a unique experience with watching a bus driver who's paying attention to her kids and safely driving the bus mind you there's, it wasn't like she was hanging out with us in the back or anything, but safely driving the bus and getting us all home to home or school. But really being there for the kids too, and how different that year was. And I couldn't tell you any other year of being on the bus, you know, cause they all blend together, but that one was so unique and so cool that I really get this analogy because I can see the contrast there.

[00:29:59] Sara: That is awesome. Well, Laura, I have an exciting Lightning Round to get to, but before we get there, I wanted to know, is there anything that we haven't talked about or anything that the four of us haven't asked you that we should have? 

[00:30:12] Laura: I think I wanna, I do want to go back and circle back to you, you saw a table. Kim saw a table, uh, Louise has a bus. There is no wrong way to do parts work. A lot of people are visual, and they can really see their parts. I do tend to hear mine, which may be why when I speak them aloud, they have different voices. There's no wrong way to do parts work and everybody can do parts work. And then the other thing I want to say is parts really want two things.  I'm not a tattoo girl but if I were, I would have a parts work tattoo that said “Parts want two things. They want to be acknowledged and appreciated." And if you can do those two things, they will start to relax and allow you to drive the bus, as opposed to them driving the bus. 

[00:30:57] Sara: Oh, I love that. And who doesn't want to be acknowledged and appreciated?

[00:31:02] Nikki: I was thinking the same thing. 

[00:31:04] Kim: To be seen and to be heard.

[00:31:06] Sara: Yeah. 

[00:31:06] Laura: To be seen and to be heard. 

[00:31:08] Sara: So, if anyone wants to work with you, Laura, where can we find you? 

[00:31:13] Laura: Lauralively.com is the best place. 

[00:31:16] Sara: All right, guys, are you ready for the Lightning Round?

[00:31:20] Sara:  I want to focus on parts today in the Lightning Round, since it makes sense.  Laura, you are self-described as three cats away from being a crazy cat lady. So, what is the best part of being a cat owner? 

[00:31:35] Laura: Oh gosh. What is the best part of being a cat owner? It's actually watching how different each cat is. They each have their own little personality and I just love them. I love getting to see the variety. My husband was not a cat - I know this was to supposed to be Lightening Round -  my husband was not a cat person. And so, he had this theory that all cats were the same. Oh no. All of our cats are so, so different.

[00:32:01] Kim: It's almost like cats are parts.

[00:32:03] Sara: Right? We're not on video, but when we are on video, usually a cat is walking across your computer.

[00:32:10] Laura: True story. 

[00:32:12] Nikki: I'll see at least one tail every time. 

[00:32:14] Sara: Yep. Alright. Number two. The best part of parasailing, is it going up or coming down?

[00:32:21] Laura: Going up.

[00:32:22] Nikki: Is Kim biting her nails right now?

[00:32:24] Kim: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The best part of parasailing is waving at all of you.

[00:32:30] Nikki: From the boat? 

[00:32:30] Kim: As as I'm on the boat, you know, just putting my feet up, having a good day. 

[00:32:35] Sara: All right. Number three. The best thing to come out of Oklahoma is that the yield sign, the electric guitar or Carrie Underwood. Yep, what’s the best one?

[00:32:46] Kim: I can't believe that the yield sign came from Oklahoma. 

[00:32:50] Nikki: I can, they didn't want to stop. So, they're like, how can we make this work for us

[00:32:55] Laura: I have so many parts running through my head.... whew. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I have so many parts that have so many different answers right now. I'm just going to answer the question. Carrie Underwood.

[00:33:07] Kim: Good one.

[00:33:08] Sara: Agreed. Number four, the best part of realizing that you and I are not actually afraid of each other?

[00:33:16] Laura: Oh, I wish we'd had time to talk about that because you're like, well, everything's the best part of that because I love you. So that's all good. 

[00:33:25] Sara: We can quickly say when Laura and I first met each other, we were both scared to death each other, and now we're like, "Oh, we're both just big Teddy bears and we're fine."

[00:33:33] Laura: That's right. 

[00:33:34] Sara: Alright. Out of all of your parts, which one is the part you like talking to the most? 

[00:33:40] Laura: Oh my gosh. My Slytherin part. My Slytherin is a Harry Potter part I even have a tee shirt for him. And I also have a, I have a, a snake bracelet, gosh, from one of those high end crystal places that I Swikorsky? Sikorsky? I don't know how to say it.

[00:34:02] Nikki: Swarovski?

[00:34:04] Laura: Okay. Sikorsky is a helicopter manufacturer, but okay.  Yeah, I love my Slytherin part, it is always thinking, thinking, thinking.  It's always trying to figure out how can we do this, or how could we monetize that? Or how can we help other people? I mean, so it's, it's, it's. It's cunning. It's ambitious. It's I'll, I'll take a picture of a tee shirt and put it on our Facebook page because yeah, that's my favorite part. I love that part because it's so much fun and it can, this is the other thing about parts work is that I can go to it and have it help me be creative when I need to shift my emotions when I need to shift into a better place.  I can use that part to help pull me out of a sad place. And that's one of the best things about parts are that we don't have time to talk about is how you learn to lean on the strengths of your parts so that you can live a better life.

[00:35:03] Sara: Awesome. I have one more to finish off here, Laura. 

[00:35:06] Laura: Okay. 

[00:35:07] Sara: The best part of being on The Best Parts?

[00:35:11] Laura: Having a podcast was a dream of mine for 2020. It wasn't just a dream, it was a goal. And so, the best part is that I got to fulfill that goal and I got to spend so much fabulous time with you guys. Cause I love you all very much.

[00:35:26] Sara: Yay. We love you. You too, Laura. All right. That brings us to the end of our episode. Thank you everyone for pulling up a chair and joining us today. Until next time, remember all the parts are the best parts.